Purgatory
by WiccaWoman17587
Summary: A little bit of angst, with a little fluff. Circa season 6 (end of) Jemily


**A/N: I was listening to Evanescene: My Immortal (On shuffle lol, it's amazing what pops up) and this fic just took form. Hope you like it.**

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I stare at the window, my gaze tracking the frantic rivers that race down the pane; twisting and turning as the torrent of water forges a new path until it reaches the sill and disappears to the ground below. The streams reflect the barely dried stains on my cheeks. I raise a finger to trace the tacky blemishes and fresh tears spill over my lower lids, coating the lone digit thoroughly.

It's been three weeks since I sat outside a quaint little bistro in Paris and handed you the documents to your new life. I know it saddened you to go, to just leave but the pain that ripped through my very soul as you walked away has left a hole; a gaping maw that cannot be filled. A harsh sob bubbles from my lips and I give in; I stop being strong and let myself wallow in the misery surrounding me.

Minutes, hours later I sniffle into the soft material of my sweater; your sweater, and sigh heavily. The cotton holds your scent, a tantalising ghost that I just cannot bare to be parted from. I have tried. I close my eyes and breathe you in; fresh citrus and soft sandalwood, heady lavender and comforting vanilla. All so uniquely you. Behind closed lids, against pitch black, I see you.

_You snuggled down into the grey Yale pullover as you fought against your demons. The last case had really done a number on you. Somehow you would always find your way to me; I was your comfort when reality got a little too much for you to bear. I crouched down next to the couch, resting an elbow on my thigh and my head in my hand; tilting just so to be in line with you. You glanced up at me, sorrow swirling in your deep brown irises. You mumbled an apology; awkwardness stilting your actions as you try to pull away. I reached up and brushed my knuckles over your cheek, sweeping away any remaining tears from your porcelain skin. _

How I desperately wish you could do the same for me. You played the same role for me countless times; you were my confidant, you were my solace, you were my soul mate. My palms rest against my thighs, my limbs tired and aching though I haven't moved for hours. I half expect to see deep and cavernous wounds travelling the length and breadth of my skin; the pain I'm feeling is far too real to solely be emotional. My eyes drift close once again; exhaustion seeping from my pores. I find that I cannot sleep without you, without your soothing presence.

_A piercing scream woke me in the dead of night and I switched from sound asleep to wide-awake in the blink of an eye. My gaze scanned the room quickly, trying to pinpoint the cause of such alarm, but a shuffling to my left caught my attention. You lay with one arm above your head, tensed and ready to strike. A light sheen of perspiration glossed over your skin, making it gleam in the weak light. Your head tossed into the pillow and I realised with a start you were stuck in the midst of a nightmare. _

_"Emily," I whispered, hoping not to startle you. You mumbled an incoherent response and kicked out at the covers. "Emily, sweetheart. It's just a dream. Come back to me, my love." My words seemed to have little effect as the terrifying images flickered behind clenched lids. With another scream you sat bolt upright; your fists forward and ready, breath coming out in ragged gasps. "It was just a dream, baby," I reassured you quietly, waiting until you were ready to let me hold you. After a few minutes you nodded and allowed me to wrap you up in my embrace; shaky breaths washing over my neck._

I jolt up, blinking against the harsh light of morning as the sun filters through the wispy branches of the neighbours' tree. I glance at the clock on the mantle and realise I'm dangerously close to being late. Rushing up the stairs, I pull off my sweats and once in my bathroom I step into the shower and turn the water onto full power, twisting the temperature dial to scalding. Even in the most mundane of tasks I seek to punish myself; as if this situation lies entirely on my shoulders.

With minutes to spare I tear through the bull pen doors; a miniature tornado as I make my way up the steps to my office. I shut the door, blocking out the world and leaving myself free to grieve once more. Through the blinds I can see your desk, empty and void of personality; like my life. I'm taken back to all the times I would sit and watch you, captivated by your smile, your frown, your laughter. Now I only see that in my dreams. Apparitions sent to dredge every last shred of sanity from me.

With a leaden sigh I turn to my computer and notice a new email. No name is given, just a series of numbers. My curiosity piqued, I click to view it in the side pane. All the message contains is a hyperlink to a website for online scrabble. I frown at it for a few seconds before a memory clicks into place.

_"It was always a constant."_

_"Scrabble?" I asked, amused at the random topic we'd stumbled onto._

_"Yep," she replied, popping the 'p'. "I didn't have a lot to do but read. I loved learning new words." Regret flickered across her face briefly before being replaced with a satisfied smile. "I enjoyed whupping the nannies asses at Scrabble."_

_"It was only really a family event thing for me. You know; Christmas, Thanksgiving, all that." I told her. "But I can just imagine a cute little Em-Bear cleaning house." She scrunched her nose up adorably at the nickname then rolled her eyes good-naturedly. _

_"Everytime."_

My heart begins to pulse faster; hard, staccato beats against my ribs. I click on the link and a private game pops up. I'm asked to enter a user name before I can get started. My mind is blank for the moment so I sweep my gaze over my desk and it finally settles on the bin by my feet. An empty Cheetos packet rests on top of some paper. My fingers get typing as I smile gently.

**Cheetosbreath**

The little box disappears and I look to the list of names on the right. Right above mine is **Raven**. I smirk gently, hope blossoming in my chest. My hands are posed over the keyboard, ready to write something, anything but nothing seems to quite cover how I feel. Eventually, after glaring at the blinking cursor, I settle for something easy.

- Bear? -

I hold my breath as the word turns opaque then solids up. The message shifts up a space and dots appear below it.

- ILY -

A sob bursts from my throat and tears burn my eyes. These tears are different, happy.

- ILY2 -

With a quiet click a word appears on the board.

**Purgatory**

I stifle another sob.

- IKR -

- Also that has to be cheating; no one has the letters make that on the first draw -

- :p -

For the first time in three weeks I feel strong enough to carry on, to make an effort. To hope that my love will return to me.


End file.
